Pt. 6

“‘Independence Day’,” I announce when I see it at Videos Galore. I’m sure there are plenty of screaming-jumping-into-the-arms-of-man-you’re-with type of scenes in this movie.

“Haven’t you seen it?”

“No, but I hear it’s great. I’ll love it.”

“You’ll love Will Smith, you mean.” Well, duh.

“And Harry Connick, Jr.”

“Harry Connick, Jr.?”

“The voice, the eyes, the hair, the piano; what girl wouldn’t love him?” I mean really, Harry has it all.

Josh takes the movie and looks over the back of it. “So you’re going to be oohing and aahing all night?” He starts to put it down on the shelf. I have to do something. This is the perfect cuddle movie. Well, except for maybe “Sleepless In Seattle” or “An Affair to Remember”, but I’ll never get him to watch those. I got “Beaches” once, but I had the flu and a level four pout going on.

“Not during the alien parts. I’ll be scared then.”

He looks up at me and raises his eyebrows. It’s not a ‘you want me bad’ eyebrow raise, it’s more of a ‘well, that could be interesting’ eyebrow raise. “You might need someone to protect you.”

I act coy. It’s not really my thing, but the situation calls for it. “I might.”

“‘Independence Day’ it is then.” He snatches up the box and we head for checkout.

**********

As I’m paying, I start analyzing the situation. Are we pathetic or are we finally admitting that we need help? Because let’s face it; that’s what the movie and Chinese food are, help. Their entire purpose is to give us a reason to lie on Donna’s bed together, so we can fall asleep together. So, why can’t I just tell her how I feel? Well, for one thing, I’m a chicken shit. I know, I know, the ego. It doesn’t make sense. But this is the one thing in my life that I simply can’t be wrong about. For another thing, Donna and I walk a fine line, and have walked it for a long time. I don’t really know how to cross that line, so if a movie can help, I’m all for it. As far as this movie goes, I’ve seen it; it will make her jump in my arms, and once she’s there, I might not let go.

Sam gave me some advice this morning that I may or may not take. It went something like this:

1. Tell her damn it. Stop dancing around it.

2. Don’t use the word love for at least a week after the initial discussion. You’ll scare the hell out of her.

3. This is going to be a big step for her. Don’t try to get her into bed right away. Go slow. She’s injured for crying out loud.

4. Get her flowers and take her to dinner. Dinner in a restaurant, no take-out while working. And it needs to be a nice restaurant, not at a diner or a bar, and it doesn’t count if you invite CJ and Toby.

5. Yes, she feels the same way you moron. You’re the only one who doesn’t know it.

Here are my problems with Sam’s advice.

1.  I already mentioned this, but it bears repeating. I don’t really know how to go from dancing to discussing. As far as discussing goes, I’m not so good at that either.

2.   I can’t help thinking that once I go into discussion mode, the word love is going to spill out.

3.   Don’t try to get her into bed? That’s all I want to do now. It’s like my body needs to hold her while I sleep. I know what he’s saying, don’t try to have sex with her. That I can do. I think.

4.   If I take his advice about the flowers and dinner she might have me committed.

5.   I’ve already mentioned this too, but it also bears repeating. I can’t be wrong about this. I think Sam’s right, but what if he’s not.

The truth is, and Sam and I discussed this, I can’t wait to kiss her. I literally dream of it. But I know that once I do, I’m going to want to do a whole lot more, so I’m thinking it might be safer to wait and kiss her when the whole lot more can be done as well. Understand? Sam didn’t agree. He said that Donna and I have to gradually work into this. It’s been a long time in the making and we can’t go from nothing to everything in one night. My suggestion was that I just continue to fall asleep at Donna’s until she’s healthy enough to move on to the whole lot more. By then, our sleeping together will be totally normal and all we’ll need to do is add nakedness and sex. And kissing, I’m looking forward to the kissing. Sam said I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. He might have a point.

**********

I love that Josh caters to me while I’m like this. It could be said that I take advantage of it; that I manage every morning to make coffee and toast, eat and wash the dishes on my own, but I say if he’s willing, who am I to complain. For instance, he just propped my foot up on a pillow on my bed and now he’s bringing in our dinner and a beer to share on a tray so we can eat.

And I must say; I do so enjoy eating Chinese food with Josh. It’s definitely one of my favorite things to do with him. I keep waiting for Letterman to have it on his top ten list: The top ten things Donna likes to do with Josh. Before last night, number one would have been banter. Banter has been bumped to number 2 and number one is waking up in his arms. Anyway, eating Chinese food would definitely be on the list, probably number four or five. See, when we eat Chinese at the office, we dish it out onto plates, but when it’s just the two of us at his place or mine, we don’t use dishes. We simply use chopsticks and eat out of the containers. The difference is never discussed; it’s just what we do.

Anyway, we sit and eat for a few minutes, discussing the arts in education bill, which will no doubt be part of our regular discussion for the next month or so while the bill is being drafted. I’m holding some new research I pulled this afternoon as well as notes from a few of the top arts colleges in the country. “I think instrumental music is in the worst shape.”

“That’s because it’s the most expensive. We need figures on the cost of instruments, especially the ones that students can’t afford.” He’s making notes in the margins of yesterday’s research.

“I can get numbers tomorrow, but they’re not fixable. Is there anymore cashew chicken?” He doesn’t even answer me. He just scoops some out with his chopsticks and puts it in my mouth while still looking at the notes in his hand. As I’m chewing, I try to imagine Leo and Margaret doing that. Or Carol and CJ. I mean really, shouldn’t it be weird that my boss just fed me? Because, I’ve got to tell you, it didn’t feel weird, it felt natural.

After dinner, he takes everything into the kitchen, then puts the movie in, turns off the lights and settles back down on the bed. At this point, we’re not touching, but he’s sitting very close to me, you know, in case I get scared or something. Oh, shut up.

Before we even see an alien, his phone rings. He looks at the caller ID, sighs, hits pause on the remote and answers. I can only hear his side of the conversation, but I’ve picked up that it’s Leo and that there is going to be a conference call with someone. I don’t know who, but I’m hoping it’s tomorrow. Then I hear the dreaded four words. “I’m on my way.”

**********

I hang up and look at her. “I’m sorry. I have to go. We’re having a conference call with the Russian president in a half hour. It’s morning in Moscow.”

“It’s ok. Do I need to go too?” She looks disappointed. I know that shouldn’t make me happy, but it does, just a little.

“No. I probably won’t even say anything; but Leo wants me there in case. We’re going to have to postpone the movie until tomorrow.” I know I sound disappointed too, but I can’t help it. I really wanted to do the accidentally-fell-asleep-with-her thing again.

“How long will it take?”

“Not long. Fifteen, twenty minutes.”

“You could come back.” She said it more as a question than a statement, and I can’t help smiling. Is it possible that she wants me here as much as I want to be here?

“It’ll still be pretty late. By the time I get there, we make the call, and I get back here, that’s at least an hour. Then, there’s still two more hours to watch the movie.”

“Yeah, you’ll probably be tired. You should probably go home and get some sleep.” She’s biting her lower lip. I know this look. It’s the ‘I’m not going to pout look.’

“Of course, the movie’s due back tomorrow. If we’re going to watch it…”

“We have to watch it tonight!” She sounds excited now, and neither one of us bothers to mention that we could re-rent it another time or simply keep it another night and pay the late fee.

“Are you sure you won’t be too tired?”

“How about this? If I get tired I’ll call your cell and tell you to go home.”

“Deal.” Now she’s smiling, which makes me smile. I get up, grab my shoes, and head out. As I’m leaving I call out over my shoulder, “Stay in bed, you need rest. I’ll let myself back in. And no watching the movie without me.”

**********

When I get back to Donna’s an hour and a half later, she’s asleep. CNN is on but muted, and I know that I should turn off the TV and go home. Instead, I walk over to the bed and look down at her. I can’t stay. I know I can’t stay. But I can just look at her for a minute.

I bend down so I’m level with her, and I carefully move some of her hair out of her face. I know that part of me is hoping she wakes up, so we can put the movie in, but mostly, I’m just amazed by her beauty as she sleeps. She’s lying on her left side, her right leg propped up on pillows out in front of her body, and she has a small smile on her face, like there’s nothing wrong in the world.

I watch her for a few minutes, and then stand up to leave. I turn off the television and walk out into the hall and to the door. But I can’t make myself open it, so I just stand there and stare at it. Finally, I rest my head on the door, trying to will myself to open it. Just as I’m about to turn the handle, I feel a hand on my shoulder.

**********

I wake-up when Josh turns off the TV and watch him leave the room. I’ve blown it. I was supposed to stay awake, but I took some pain medication, which knocks me out completely. I didn’t want to take it, but my leg’s been killing me ever since physical therapy this morning.

I sit up and listen for the door, but I don’t hear it open and close. After a few minutes, I climb out of bed and grab my cane. I know I should use the walker, but it’s squeaky and I don’t want to bother him if he decided to just crash on the couch. I walk into the hallway and I can barely make him out in the dark. He’s standing at the door with his hand on the knob, but he’s not leaving. Finally, he rests his head against it, and I know. I know he doesn’t want to leave, just like I don’t want him to leave. I quietly walk towards him, hoping he doesn’t open the door and go while I’m on my way. When I get to where he is, I softly reach out and put my hand on his shoulder. He turns his head and looks at me, but neither one of us says anything.

We stand like this for a good minute, and then I take his hand and start walking back down the hall. He whispers, “You’re not supposed to be using that cane,” then picks me up and carries me into the bedroom and lays me on the bed. I lay on my back and watch as he walks around to the other side, takes off his shoes and crawls in next to me. I smile at him and then turn onto my left side, facing away from him and prop my right leg back up on the pillows out in front of me. I close my eyes and after a few seconds, I feel him roll onto his side put his head next to mine on my pillow. He’s so close that I can feel the heat from his skin through his shirt, and then his arm comes around me, resting on my stomach, and he pulls me even closer. I put my right hand on top of his, and he spreads his fingers so mine fall between them. I lean into him a bit more, and pretty soon, I drift off to sleep.