What We Do: Going to the Chapel
Completed: 2/13/05
Rating: R
Summary: A little sexual frustration and a wedding.
Author’s Notes: This is the final follow-up to the What We Do series. You need to read the series before this will make sense. It’s on my website.
Thursday morning
“Do I have to get on my knees and beg?”
“Don’t you think that would be a bit pathetic?”
“I think that would be extremely pathetic, but I’m willing to lower myself if it’ll work.”
“It won’t.”
I let my head fall. “Well then… I’m not going to do it.”
She turns back to the mirror and continues combing her hair. “Ok.” She’s in the bathroom, quote unquote getting ready for work. And she’s only wearing girly underwear and a sexy push-up bra. Now, if I’m not allowed to touch her, why the hell is she allowed to lead me on like that? I mean really, a man gets out of bed and walks into the bathroom and sees a mostly naked alabastered Donna brushing her hair and he’s not going to have a physical reaction to that?????
“How can you be so calm about this?” My eyes are fixated on her naked back even as I screech my sentence.
“It’s only two days, Josh.”
“Two more days, you mean.”
“Yes.”
“Because it’s already been 29. 29 days Donna.” Does she not feel the effects of this too?
“Josh, you went seven years without having sex with me.”
I throw my hands up in the air. “Yes, but that was before I was addicted!” And my addiction is her fault, by the way. If she weren’t so addictive this wouldn’t be a problem.
“Addicted?”
“Donna, no one misses heroin until they take their first hit of it. Then they need it all the time.” Duh.
She stops brushing and looks at me. And why would she do that? She knows how I feel about her hair. I barely even notice that I pick up the hairbrush and take over for her. “You’re comparing me to heroin?”
“No. I’m comparing sex with you to heroin.”
She looks at me in the mirror for a few seconds and I can hear the gears moving in her head. She’s wondering if she should be offended by that statement. Finally she shrugs. “Well, two more days won’t kill you.”
I look at her very seriously. “It might.” I’ve been warning her about this for months. When we went to my mom’s and then to Cheeseland I told her. I could die. She chose not to believe me.
She turns to face me and puts her hand on my chest. She can’t do that. I’ll crack! “It’ll make our wedding night special,” she says, kissing me on the cheek. She’s flirting. Not fair!
“It’ll make our wedding night quick,” I say, leaning in and nibbling on her neck.
“Maybe the first time,” she says seductively. See? Flirt.
“Donna,” I groan while continuing the things I’m doing to her neck. A minute later I have an idea. I pull away and look at her with raised eyebrows. “What if I offer you an incentive?”
“What kind of incentive? And please be careful not to call me a prostitute.”
A prostitute? “I was just thinking I could give you…oh.”
“You were saying?”
I shake my head quickly back and forth. “Never mind.”
“Smart man,” she says smiling.
“This isn’t fair, you know. You just announce one morning that we aren’t having sex for a month? You should've at least given me advanced warning.”
“So you could what, store it up?”
“Yes! Wait. No. I’m just saying. You don’t have sex with someone every single day for three months and then cut them off cold turkey. You could’ve at least started out by making me go down to every other day for a while. To wean me off.”
“To wean you off?”
“Donna…” Now I’ve resorted to whining.
“Josh…”
“Why is the say all yours?”
She nods. “You have a good point.”
Yes! I’ve won! “Thank you,” I say, reaching around her back to unhook her bra.
But then she, being Judas and all, swats my hands away. “The next time I want to have sex and you don’t, we won’t have sex,” she says calmly. Like that’s ever gonna happen.
**********
Thursday Afternoon
“I need sex,” Donna announces as she slips out of her jeans and t-shirt and looks at her dress hanging in the dressing room.
“Donna, I might be a modern girl, but I’m not that modern.”
“CJ,” she whines, “I’m not gonna make it. I’m gonna attack him on the altar, it’s gonna be ugly.”
“That’s not a visual I need. I had eggs for breakfast. How’s he doing?”
“He offered to get on his knees and beg this morning.”
Josh Lyman, begging. Now that would be something to see. “And what did you say?”
She sighs and I zip up the dress. “I told him it wouldn’t work. But it would’ve. It so would’ve.”
“I’m proud of you Donna. Playing the strong one, even when you’re weak. That’s sisterhood stuff.”
“Gee. I’m sexually frustrated, but at least I’m part of the sisterhood.”
“Yeah, now you know how the rest of us feel. It’s only two more days.”
“Doesn’t matter. I need him like heroin now.”
“Heroin?”
“You don’t want to know.”
She turns around and I look at her. “You look beautiful.”
She looks in the mirror and smiles a little bit. “Thanks.”
***********
Friday evening
“Sam!” Donna yells excitedly as he walks into the bullpen. I’m almost certain she’s never said my name with that much excitement. Well, at least not for the last 29 days.
“He’s been here since yesterday, Donna. You had dinner with him last night.”
She looks at me. I’m sorry, let me rephrase that. She glares at me. “Don’t mind him Sam. He’s just sexually frustrated.”
“That’s because I’m marrying Judas,” I yell through the bullpen.
She completely ignores this statement and turns to him. “Not too drunk tonight Sam. I’m leaving you in charge of him. If any strippers are there, I don’t want to know about it, so please take any underwear off his head.”
Sam laughs. “No underwear on his head. Got it.”
“He has staff at nine tomorrow morning. It’s your job to see that he’s here for it. And alive enough to carry on a conversation.”
“You know I can hear you, right?”
She turns to me and smiles. “Yes.”
“I don’t need a babysitter.”
“Of course you don’t.” She turns back to Sam. “I’m going to be with CJ all night, so you’re going to have to take care of him.”
“Donna!” I screech.
She looks at me and puts on a level one pout. Not fair! Then she comes very close and puts her hand on my chest. “Too bad you’re going out with Sam and Toby tonight. I was thinking…” she trails off and raises her eyebrows.
What? She was thinking that? “I’m not. I’m not going with them. They can go alone. I don’t… I can… Let’s go now.” I take her by the hand and pull her towards the door. I don’t have my keys, but we’ll just break in to the car and then the apartment. We must go now.
“No thanks,” she says cheerfully, pulling her hand from mine. I stare at her in shock. What the hell’s going on?
“Donna?” I ask quietly.
“That’s for calling me Judas,” she says, turning around and heading towards CJ’s office. “Have fun tonight.”
Good thing to know some things aren’t going to change.
**********
Friday Night
“Ok, ok, ok,” says CJ, holding up her plastic glass of Boones. “It’s time for party games.” Tonight is my bachelorette party, as well as Josh’s bachelor party. CJ, Ginger, Margaret, Carol, my sister, my sister-in-laws and I are renting Beaches, eating thin-crust cheese pizza, drinking Boones and giving each other Cosmo quizzes. To me, that’s the end all be all of girl’s nights. Strippers, bars, drunken idiots hitting on us. Not my scene.
“I thought we decided on no party games,” I say, giving her a look of death.
She wiggles her eyebrows at me. “This one will be fun!” She hands everyone except me a piece of paper and a pen. “You are to answer these questions to the best of your ability. Once everyone is done, Donna will reveal the correct answers and you’ll receive points based on how close you were.”
I don’t get to see the paper, but I hear a lot of chuckling, and I’m suddenly a bit scared. A few minutes later everyone’s done and CJ is filling up everyone’s glass. “Ok,” she says, sitting back down next to me. “Number one: When was Donna sure Josh was the one?” Ok, that’s not so bad.
People start giving their answers; “The day they met.” “When he was shot.” “Their first kiss.”
“Donna?” CJ says to me.
I think about it for a second. “Hmm… I loved him almost immediately. But I don’t think I knew he was the one until he was shot and I couldn’t picture what I’d do without him for the rest of my life. When he had to live because I refused to be a widow before I was even married.”
“Well, that was far too serious. I think you need more Boones,” my sister-in-law says. CJ pours me another glass.
“Number 2,” CJ says. “Speaking sexually only, when did Donna first want Josh?”
Again, people start giving their answers. The minute we met seems to be the most popular.
“We were at a fundraiser about three months after Donna started with us,” Margaret says smugly. “Josh walked in the door talking to a donor, and he was wearing a tux. Donna almost dropped her glass of champagne.”
I look at her. “You noticed that?”
She nods. “I did.”
I smile and gesture towards her. “She’s right. It was the first time I saw him in a tux.”
“Good job Margaret,” CJ yells. “Number three. What is the best tangible gift Josh has ever given her? Tangible people; it must be something she can hold, and get your mind out of the gutters, please.”
This question has far more answers. “A book about skis,” my sister yells. “She called me that night and went on and on about it as if it was a million dollars.”
“The bracelet he got her when they started dating,” Carol says, which makes CJ very proud of herself.
“Tickets to Aida,” my sister-in-law says.
“Her engagement ring,” my other sister-in-law says.
“Donna?” Carol says.
I smile widely. “His badge from the first campaign.”
“You’re such a freaking sap,” CJ says. “Ok, let’s move on the fun part. “Number four. What is Josh’s best physical attribute?”
“Eyes.” “Butt.” “Arms.” “Penis.”
“I’m going to assume that whoever said that is only guessing,” I say and everyone laughs. “And yes, his penis is spectacular. However, because it’s easier to check out in mixed company, I’m going to say his butt.” That earns me a round of wahoo’s.
“Now we’re getting somewhere,” CJ says. “When is Josh the hardest to resist?” At the same time, everyone yells “when he uses his dimples.” I just nod.
“Number seven. Where is the most outrageous place they’ve ever had sex. Of any kind?”
My face turns immediately red when Carol yells Josh’s office and Margaret and my sister both agree.
“I’ll have you know,” I say boldly. “Josh and I have never had sex of any kind in the White House.” Then I smile wickedly and add. “But if we ever did, it’d be in the Roosevelt Room. I like the idea of the glass doors.” CJ’s mouth drops open and she looks like she could be ill.
“So? Where is it then?” My sister asks.
“I’m not saying,” I say, shaking my head.
“Come on!”
“Donna Moss. Spill. Now.”
I hang my head. “Well, the shower at his mom’s place was pretty risky. There was also the family restroom at the
Everyone looks at me for a minute. “Never in the White House?” CJ asks, dumbfounded.
I shrug. “Sorry.”
***********
Saturday Evening
Why do we have to rehearse this? And why, if we have to rehearse this, can’t we rehearse the wedding night. It only makes sense.
“Mr. Lyman. You stand here.” Like I thought I’d be the one walking down the aisle.
“And don’t fidget,” CJ says to me.
“Donna, CJ’s picking on me.”
“Kids. No ice cream on the way home if we can’t all behave.”
“Gary, Donna’s picking on me.” Gary Moss and I are buddies now. Once I passed his test, I was in.
“Donna, don’t pick on your fiancé.” I look at him and smile then look at her and stick my tongue out. She just laughs and shakes her head.
“Ok, let’s try a run through,” the coordinator says. I stand off to the side while Sam seats my mom and then Toby seats Donna’s mom. Then they come stand over to the side by me.
“Once the mother’s are seated, Pachebel’s Cannon will begin playing. I’ll cue Mr. Lyman and his attendants.” She gives us the cue and we walk into the room. My shoe comes untied and I bend over to tie it and Toby and Sam just leave me in the dust. A minute later I see Donna’s sister walk down the aisle, and panicking, I run up and stand behind Toby. CJ follows Marie, and the coordinators shut the door, which I don’t get because like fifteen seconds later, she opens it again and Donna and Gary walk down the aisle slowly. But when I see her, the only thing that goes through my head is that I’m going to marry that woman.
“Josh,” says the coordinator.
I tear my eyes away from Donna. “Yes?”
“I would help, when Donna gets to the altar, if you’re the one standing there waiting for her instead of Sam.”
“Um… right.” I move and stand in front of Sam and look back at Donna, now half way down the aisle. She’s smiling at me and shaking her head. I guess we do need to rehearse this after all. I still don’t see why we can’t rehearse the wedding night, though.
**********
Sunday Morning
“CJ, please tell me I’ve packed well for this honeymoon.”
“He still hasn’t told you where you’re going?”
“No. He says he’ll tell me when we get to the airport in the morning. But we’re staying here tonight, so if I need anything from the townhouse, we need to send someone for it now. I’m getting married in an hour.” Donna, her mom, Marie, and I stayed in the honeymoon suite last night. It was nice. I mean nice. It’s worth getting married just to spend the night here.
Hmmm…. To tell or not to tell, this is the question. “If you could pick anywhere to go, considering that it’s February, where would you pick?”
“Hawaii or the Caribbean, obviously. It’s all about the ocean, CJ.”
“And did you pack for that?”
“Yes.”
“Well, if I were you, I’d be confident in my fiancé’s knowledge of what I’d like and therefore be confident in what I packed.”
She gets a big grin on her face. “So which is it, the
“My lips are sealed.”
She stomps her foot like a six year old, which makes me laugh. “Aren’t you on my team?”
“Donna, we’ve discussed this. Keeping these secrets and helping Josh out over the last few months was being on your team. He needed the supervision.”
Just then, I hear a faint tapping on the door. I look at Donna, who shrugs, and we walk over to the door to the suite. I look out the peephole and see Josh standing in shorts, a Cure Autism Now t-shirt, and sandals. It’s February, people.
“It’s Josh,” I whisper. He taps lightly again.
“What’s he doing here?” she asks.
“I don’t know. I forbid him from coming here today.” I walk to the door and undo the deadbolt to kill my friend.
“Donna, is that you?” I stop before opening the door and stand there. “Shh… don’t tell CJ I’m here. She’ll hurt me.” I look over at Donna and we both stifle a laugh. “If it’s you, tap once.”
Marie and Donna’s mom walk into the room and we motion for them to be quiet. Then I tap once on the door and we all crowd around it and listen for Josh to whisper again.
“I know I’m not allowed to see you. I don’t really understand why that is, because I’d guess that most men get nervous on their wedding day, and if I get nervous, you’re the one I’m going to need to see. Plus, I’m pretty frustrated what with the 31 days I’ve gone without sex. Anyway, I can’t stay, cause if CJ catches me here she’ll kill me and if Toby or Sam catch me here, they’ll tell CJ, but I just wanted to say good morning and I didn’t really like waking up without you today and I’m glad I don’t have to do that anymore and I love you and I’ll see you in a few hours and I can’t wait to be married to you and thank you for loving me and you look beautiful. I just…I might forget some of that stuff later what with the prospect of having sex, so I wanted to tell you now, and I wanted to say that I’m going to love you for the rest of my life and that I’m going to do everything I can to make you happy forever.”
Now see, how am I supposed to kill him when he’s being so cute?
**********
I sit here, looking at my amazing wife, and I can’t help playing the word over and over in my head. I’m married. To Donna. Donnatella Moss-Lyman. I’m holding my wife’s hand. For the rest of lives, being married to each other will be what we do.
Sam stands up and clanks his glass. “Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please? As the best man, I’d like to say a few words.” Everyone gets quiet and listens to him and I pick up Donna’s hand and kiss it.
“For being a man of words, I’ve found it difficult to fully express what Josh and Donna mean to each other in a Josh and Donna sort of way. I admit to going through several drafts. Then on Thursday, everything became clear to me. I was reminded of a time during the first campaign of President Bartlet. We were supposed to be on the road for five days and that turned into five and a half weeks. And then one Friday, Leo came to us and told us to get lost for the weekend. I’d recently broken up with my fiancé and had nowhere to go, so I came to DC for the weekend with Josh to sleep late, eat pizza and watch football. That was the plan. We got to his place at about
“It seems that when one thinks they’re leaving town for five days, they don’t clean out the fridge. And when that five days turns into five and a half weeks, the fridge fights back. It took us mere seconds to realize what the smell was, and in ten minutes every single thing in the fridge had been thrown out with the exception of two beers. Tupperware, condiments, everything else went. We couldn’t risk it. We propped the windows and doors open, sprayed air freshener, even lit scented candles. Finally, we just wheeled the entire fridge out to the dumpster behind his apartment. Then, while drinking beer at
“This past Thursday night I flew into town and went to Josh and Donna’s for dinner. When I went to the fridge for a beer, I noticed that it was fully stocked. See, I could say a million things about their love, but what amazes me about these two is that a stocked refrigerator says it all. Please join me in congratulating the happy couple.”
Everyone raises their glasses and toasts us, and Donna looks at me and smiles. “You didn’t even put up much of a fight,” she whispers and kisses me softly.
“And now,” says Sam, “I’d like to give my beautiful counterpart, Claudia Jean Cregg, the floor for a moment.”
CJ stands up. “Thank you Samuel.” Then she looks at me. “That actually explains a lot.” Donna laughs and snuggles up to me and CJ looks out at our guests. “When Donna asked me to be her maid of honor, I immediately went to Toby and asked him to help me write a toast. He refused, however. He told me to simply look at them and the right words would present themselves.
“I don’t think there’s a person in this room who hasn’t seen this day coming for years or who doesn’t have complete confidence that these two people will find a way to beat the odds and make it. We’ve all seen them grow, seen them stumble, seen them stand by each other through every thing. We watched a young girl blossom into this confident, astonishing woman with the help of this man, and we watched a machine of a person turn into this amazing man with the help of this woman. And all of this without ever using words. The confidence they have in each other blows me away. I used to look at them and wonder. How can two people be so sure without words? How can promises be made without ever being spoken? How can you absolutely believe in a love that’s never been proclaimed? And how can a love be so deep that words aren’t needed?
“I don’t know how. But I know it can be. I’ve witnessed it. I’ve seen it in a hospital waiting room in Donna’s eyes and I’ve heard it outside the oval office in the desperation of Josh’s voice. When the fear of losing the other was so intense that every feeling was laid bare and they simply didn’t have the strength to hide it, there it was. A love so deep that words weren’t needed. A promise made without a sound.
“Ladies and gentlemen. To this amazing love. To these amazing people. To a lifetime together. Congratulations.”