Pt. 19

“So, tomorrow’s the big day, huh?” CJ asks when I walk into her office.

“Tomorrow?” Is there a vote I don’t know about? I’ve been a little preoccupied lately, but I think I’d know if there was a vote going on tomorrow that I cared about.

“The ‘I love you’ day.”

Oh, of course that’s what she’s talking about. I forgot that, thanks to Sam, CJ knows my entire life plans. “Sam couldn’t have kept one thing to himself?”

“Actually, Donna told me about tomorrow,” she says with a smirk.

“Imagine my surprise.” Donna and CJ are like Thelma and Louise without the crime. Well, I think without the crime. Oh, who am I kidding, there’s probably crime involved.

She looks up at me expectantly and I look at her the same way. What is she looking at me like that for? “Did you need something, Josh?” Oh, right. I came in here.

I can’t believe I’m asking her this; she’s the enemy. Well, she’s not the enemy, but you can be sure that for the rest of our lives, CJ’s going to be on Donna’s side. Not that I’m not on Donna’s side, but should the need arise for sides, and it no doubt will, CJ’s not going to be on mine. True, she’s keeping the schedule a secret, but she’s getting like a thousand dollars worth of clothes and accessories out of the deal. That is not being on my side; that’s blackmail. “I need a favor,” I mumble.

She’s laughing at me. I can see the gleam in her eye. “Name it.”

“First, we have to agree that even if you deny the favor you cannot tell Donna about it.”

“No deal. You’re talking about the Sisterhood, Josh. You’ve already got me keeping a rather large series of secrets from her, I can’t agree to anymore.”

“Fine.” I turn to leave.

“Wait, don’t you want my help?” Hmm, she’s curious. This could work in my favor.

“Not if you’re going to tell Donna about it.”

She looks at me and ponders…something. I don’t pretend to understand women. “Does it endanger her at all?”

What the hell? “Endanger her? She’s my future wife, CJ. You think I'd endanger her?”

She nods. “Good point. How long does the secret have to continue?”

“The rest of the day.”

She raises her eyebrows. I think I’ve got her. “Well, it’s already 11:30.”

“Then it really only has to last for seven hours.”

“And where’s Donna?” She starts tapping her pencil on her desk.

“Physical therapy and then a meeting on the hill. She won’t be in until at least one, so it’s really only five and a half hours.”

“Hmm…” Come on CJ, you know you want to.

“And, when she does find out about it, she’s going to be excited. It’s more of a surprise than a secret.”

“A surprise? Why didn’t you say that in the first place? I’m in.”

“Ok, good. I gotta go.” I turn to leave. I’ve got a lot to do.

“Wait!”

“What?” Come on, I’m in a hurry here.

“You haven’t told me what you need me to do.” I haven’t? Oh, ok.

“Right. I need you to take Donna home early so she can change. I’m taking her to Teatro Goldoni tonight.”

“You’re taking her to Teatro Goldoni? Have you won the lottery?”

“No, but tomorrow I’m telling her I love her and I think it would be nice if we’ve gone out… you know… on a date before that happens.”

Now she’s smiling at me. She’s trying to be tough, but I’m so cute, I don’t think she can help herself. “Really? What else are you doing?”

I squint at her and put my hands on my hips. “You’re on a need to know basis.”

“I need to know.” CJ is whining! This is a momentous occasion.

I shake my head. “No you don’t.”

“But I want to know.”

I can’t help chuckling. This is fun. “That’s not the same.”

“I could call Sam.” Blackmail, threats, now there’s the CJ I know.

“He doesn’t know. This is all me.” Like I can trust Sam with surprises any more.

“You thought of Teatro Goldoni on your own?” she asks skeptically. How could she doubt me?

“Yes! Well… no.”

“Leo?”

“The man knows his food, CJ. Plus, he won’t blab like Sam.”

“Please tell me what else you’re doing!” She’s begging; I have finally beaten the illustrious CJ Cregg. This is a day for celebration!

“Why should I?”

“I could be helpful. I could let you know if you’re going in the wrong direction.” She has a point.

“No Ma- whatever shoes.”

“Too late, I bought them last night. I’ll cut out the accessories.”

“And keep your outfit to $200.00.”

“$250.00”

“Deal. When I pick her up tonight, I’m bringing flowers. And not just plain old roses, I ordered lilies.”

“Good choice. I love lilies.”

“Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind,” I say sarcastically. “I’ll be arriving in a limo, and I’m wearing a tux, which Donna finds sexy.”

“Well, that’s nauseating, but continue.” Nauseating? I… is it possible CJ doesn’t think I’m sexy? I find that hard to believe.

“I thought I’d get her a present, I could use your help with that too.”

“I have no doubt. What kind of present?”

“I don’t know. Perfume, jewelry, art. What do you think?”

“Art?” She shakes her head. “How about some earrings. Something elegant, but not gaudy.”

“No, not earrings. Something else.”

“Why not earrings?”

“I don’t want to encourage her to wear earrings.” I don’t like the taste of metal in my mouth.

“Why?” She can’t fathom this. See, women don’t have to go through the things we men go through. Earrings look beautiful, yes, but they get in the way… of things.

“They get in the way, if you must know. I like to be able to have complete access to her ears whenever I please,” I say, showing no shame at how chauvinistic that sounded.

CJ gets an absolutely horrified look on her face. “Ok, I’m going to be sick now. Does she know you feel this way?”

I nod. “Yes, that’s why she wears earrings to work; to keep me in line.”

“Because, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to control yourself?”

I nod again. “She also isn’t wearing v-neck shirts, because I’m obsessed with her neck, it’s…”

“Stop right there.” She holds up a hand at me. “No details. So a necklace…”

“Would get in the way too. How about a bracelet? I think I’d be ok with her wrist being covered. I’m more a fan of her palm.”

“I just said no details Josh. But, a bracelet would be nice.”

“Can we get it by tonight?”

“Anaju’s is a block from here. Let’s go now.” She stands up and grabs her purse. “You can buy me lunch on the way back.”

“Are you going to help, or for the free food?”

“I’m going to help, but only so she doesn’t have to pretend to like something hideous. I’m doing this for the Sisterhood, not you. Got it?”

“Understood.”

**********

“That one.” Toby points to the ugliest bracelet I've seen in my life. It’s one of those charm bracelets, which are ok I guess, but it’s huge and looks like it weighs about ten pounds. I don’t think his taste is that bad, I’m pretty sure he’s just picking on Josh.

“Toby, you’re not being helpful.” I hear Josh say to him while I wait for the very cute, very gay man to bring out some more bracelets.

“I didn’t come here to be helpful,” he says in that ‘I’m making fun of you and I’m not going to diminish it by laughing at you’ voice of his.

“Why did you let him come, CJ?” Granted, when Toby asked where we were going, I could have and probably should have lied, but it’s so much more fun when I can help Donna and humiliate Josh at the same time. It’s like icing on the cake.

“Because he wanted to make fun of you.” Anyway, he deserves it, I lost out on my accessories.

“I thought we were on the same side now.”

I give him a stern look. “No you didn’t.”

“You’re right, I didn’t.”

“Hey Josh,” says Toby, laughing. “Maybe you should look for an engagement ring while you’re here.”

“Oh, he’s already been looking,” I point out.

“CJ!!!” Oops, guess I wasn’t supposed to say anything. Imagine my remorse.

“No shit, really?” Now this is good. Toby is completely shocked and Josh is completely humiliated. Who needs to go to the movies? This is entertainment.

“Tell him, Josh.”

“No CJ, I don’t think I will.” Josh is giving me that ‘get us out of this’ look.

I look at him for a long minute; betray his trust-don’t betray his trust, what to do. “I guess you’re right Josh. You have the right to your own privacy. So I’m not going to tell him that you’re proposing to Donna on November 13^th, or that you’ve already booked the wedding for February 13^th and the honeymoon in Maui. I won’t even tell him that tonight’s date is because you’re telling her you love her tomorrow. I’m not going to tell him that stuff Josh, because I wouldn’t want to break the trust we’ve built.” I look over at Toby who is stunned and not hiding it well.

“How kind of you,” he says sarcastically.

“I am, however, going to tell him why we’re getting a bracelet instead of the earrings I suggested.”

“Oh, I already know that,” Toby states.

“You do?” He thinks he knows, but no one knows the mind of Joshua Lyman. Well, except for Donna.

“Earrings get in the way. They taste like crap,” he says and points to a ring for the cute gay guy to get out of the showcase.

“Excuse me?” What is this, a man thing?

“It’s hard to suck on a girl’s ear when she’s wearing earrings. Men don’t buy those for women until the magic is over.”

“Really?” The man behind the counter looks at me and nods.

“Of course, now let’s get this woman a bracelet and an engagement ring.”

**********

Something is up. I don’t know what it is, but I know it’s something. Here are my clues:

1. CJ, Toby and Josh went to lunch together. When they got back and saw me, CJ and Toby split quickly. Also, I heard Toby thank Josh for lunch. Josh bought?

2. CJ asked me if I could run an errand with her today, which would mean I’d have to leave the office at five, and Josh said it was ok.

3. Josh said he’d come over to my place around 6:30, when he leaves work. He’s leaving work, on a Thursday, at or before 6:30?

4. We were going to stay at his place for the rest of the week so we could have ‘not-getting-out-of-bed Sunday’ with the new comforter, sheets, and groceries we’re buying on Saturday. So, why are we going to my apartment?

5. Josh took my cane and hid it, saying I need to use my walker for the rest of the day. He must want me to save my strength.

6. Louise has come and gone into his office at least three times this afternoon. And each time, she’s shut the door.

7. There’s a blow dryer on Josh’s desk.

Yes, something is definitely going on, and CJ knows about it.

**********

I hear her rolling down the hall before she gets here and I jump up from my desk, grab some random notebook and head for the door. “Hey CJ,” she casually says. Shit, she knows.

“Hey, I’m…” I point at the hall like I’m in some hurry to get somewhere.

“Oh, go ahead. I just wanted to tell you that I’m not going to be able to go with you on your errand today. Matt Skinner called and needs some more figures for the thing, so I’m going to have to stay late. I’ll just leave with Josh.”

Oh, she’s good. “But… I really need your help, Donna. I can’t do it alone.”

She smiles innocently at me. Josh is right, she is Judas. “I’m sorry. I can go tomorrow night, if that’ll help.”

“No, it has to be tonight. I’ll tell you what. I’ll call Matt Skinner and get you an extra day.” Two can play at this game.

She raises her eyebrows at me. She’s impressed, but not thrown. “Actually CJ, I’d rather you didn’t. It’s just that this is my first legislation on my own. I don’t want to make excuses. I want to impress them, especially now that I’m dating Josh. I don’t want it to look like he’s only giving me the chance because we’re dating.”

Damn her. I taught her this technique and now she’s using it against me. It’s like the weapons we sold to Kumar. I look around and then talk quietly. “Donna, I didn’t want to say this here, but… it’s a doctor’s appointment, and I really don’t want…. No, that’s not true. I can’t use health, it’s just not right.”

“CJ,” she yells at me. I deserve it. “I can’t believe you even considered going there. You know better than that.”

I hang my head in shame. “I’m sorry, I panicked. I’ve never been up against an opponent as worthy as you.”

She nods. “It’s ok, you’re forgiven.”

“Thanks, now I have to go.” I point to the hall again and start to take off. She’s injured; she can’t catch me.

“Not so fast, CJ.” Damn.

“Donna,” I’m whining. This is the second time I’ve done this today. Their relationship is killing me.

“Spill.”

“I can’t Donna. It’s a surprise and if I spill, I’ll ruin it for you.”

“A surprise?”

“Yes, and he’s gone to a lot of trouble to make you happy. Just let him do it, Donna. I ask not for him, but for you.”

“A surprise that called for the help of you, Louise and Toby? Must be pretty good.”

“Leo too.”

“Leo too? I’m impressed.”

“I’ve never been one to give credit to Josh, even when it is due, but he’s done well this time.” He really has. Flowers, a limo, a tux, dinner at one of the most expensive restaurants in town, and a gorgeous white gold tennis bracelet; plus he’s good in bed? Is it possible that Josh Lyman is the perfect man and I missed it?

“Ok, but give me something.”

It is the Sisterhood, how can I say no. “Ok, one thing, what do you want to know?”

“What’s the blow dryer for?”