Chapter 6
When he walked into the office the next morning at
Josh sighed and put his backpack down on his desk. “I told you I would.”
Sam stood up so Josh could get to his desk. “No you didn’t. You told me you’d call him. Now I’m asking if you went.”
“Yes.” He walked around his desk and sat down heavily in his chair. “I spent two hours in his office last night.”
“And you told him about Donna?”
“Donna lives in DC now.”
“Donna? Donna, Donna?”
“Yes.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“I feel like I’m losing my mind.”
“He’s my psychiatrist, Sam. He already knew about her.”
Sam sat down in a visitor’s chair, surprised. “He did?” Josh nodded. “I didn’t know you still thought about her enough to...”
“I do,” he said quietly, cutting him off.
Sam nodded and the room was quiet for a minute. “So, what’d he say?” he finally asked.
“I do most of the talking,” Josh said vaguely, spinning in his chair and looking out the window.
“What’d you say?”
“What did you just say?”
“I thought it was a date and I was mad because I was starting to let myself trust her again.”
“Yet a few minutes ago, you said…”
“What?”
“You don’t remember? I asked why you were keeping your distance from her and you said...”
“Because the last thing I can do is let myself trust her again.”
“Yeah.”
“See, I told you I’m nuts.”
“You’re not nuts. But you have to decide, do you want to trust her again or not? Do you want to let her into your life again or not?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
“I don’t know, I said a lot of stuff.”
Sam watched the back of his head for a minute before saying anything. “Listen Josh. I’m not trying to pry. I just… what happened yesterday hadn’t happened in a while.”
He spun around and faced him again. “I know. I needed to go. I’m glad I went.”
“Did it help?”
He shrugged and offered a small smile. “I slept last night.”
Sam smiled back. “That’s a start. You gonna be ok seeing her today?”
“I have no idea.”
**********
“April!”
“I see you’re still not a fan of the intercom.”
He looked up and his face broke into a large grin, his dimples out in full force while at the same time his heart started beating a mile a minute. Donna stood in his doorway in a grey skirt and a pink blouse, her hair down and wearing a touch of make-up. She was holding a Baked and Wired bag in one hand and a briefcase in the other.
“How long have you been standing there?” he asked as he stood up and walked around his desk towards her.
“How long have you been standing there?”
“Just for a minute. I like to watch you work.”
“Why?”
“It’s like I’m watching the world get better.”
She shrugged. “Just for a minute. Are you making the world a better place?”
He looked back at the folder on his desk. “I’m trying to make college affordable.”
“You are making the world a better place.” She smiled like she was ten again and they stood there staring at each other until April made a sound from behind Donna.
Josh reluctantly looked up at her. “What?”
“You called me.”
“Oh. Yeah, it’s nothing. Hold my calls.” He looked back to Donna and tilted his head, motioning for her to come inside. “You brought breakfast,” he said to her as he closed the door and started clearing a stack of files off a visitor’s chair.
“Fruit salad and bagels,” she said quietly.
He looked at her quietly for several seconds and she looked back at him, biting her lower lip. It was the first time in four years they’d been really alone. Finally, he took a deep breath and pulled the chair up to his desk, motioning to it awkwardly. “Have a seat,” he said, taking the bag from her and sitting it on his desk.
“I’m not keeping you from anything, am I?” she asked nervously, looking around his office.
He shook his head, thinking about the work he’d tried unsuccessfully to concentrate on earlier. “Nah,” he said, getting paper plates and a few individual bottles of orange juice from the refrigerator. “College tax credits can wait a few minutes.”
She watched him for a minute and then started pulling things out of the bag she’d brought, putting a small tub of fruit salad and a cinnamon raisin bagel down in front of his chair. “They forgot forks,” she said rather lamely, looking into the bag.
He stood for a few seconds before spinning on his heals and grabbing a few plastic forks, then he sat down and opened his fruit salad. The room was eerily quiet as he chewed on a strawberry and she picked nervously at her bagel. He looked at her fruit salad and then back at his. “Mine doesn’t have cantaloupe,” he said almost to himself.
“Explain to me this fear of cantaloupe.”
“It’s not a fear, it’s a dislike.”
“Either way, explain it to me.”
“Well for one thing, it’s orange.”
“I can see that.”
“And people in the south call it mush melon.”
“My grandmother calls it that.”
“Obviously it’s not right to eat anything with the word ‘mush’ in it.”
“Obviously.”
“Well,” she said with nervous laughter in her voice. “I know how you are about eating things with the word ‘mush’ in them.”
He looked up at her and smiled, the awkwardness fading quickly. “Not to mention the fact that it’s orange.”
“Right.”
“So,” he said, spreading cream cheese on his bagel. “You work for the Children’s Rights Council.”
“Yes, for the last two years,” she said, popping a grape in her mouth.
“And you’re in law school.”
“She’s in law school.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah…”
“What?”
“She’s doing really well for herself.”
“And that’s bad?”
“No, it’s just…”
“What, Josh?”
“She probably wouldn’t be in law school if she’d stayed.”
“But you wish she would’ve anyway.”
“Yes.”
“And you feel guilty about that?”
“Yes.”
“Yes, learning to punish the guilty and taint a jury,” she said with a smile.
“Ahh,” he said laughing. “The important things.” She laughed back at him and he tilted his head and looked at her. “I’ve worked on legislation with the Council before. Why haven’t I seen you?”
She swallowed a bite of bagel and wiped her mouth. “I worked in programs until May. A spot became available in the legal/legislative department and they offered it to me with the understanding that it’s temporary until I finish law school. This is actually my first bill.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Are you nervous?”
“Are you nervous?”
“Josh, I’m about to meet the future president of the
“So, yes?”
“Yes!”
“Josh, I’m a professional.”
“So, yes?”
She looked at him and then down at the desk. “Incredibly nervous.”
“Don’t be,” he said smiling. “Sam said it looks good.”
She looked up at him. “Have you read it?” she asked in what he thought was a hopeful voice.
He shook his head. “No.” Her smile faltered. “But I skimmed through it this morning. I thought you did a great job.”
Her smile came back. “Really?” He found it hard to speak when she looked so beautiful, so he nodded idiotically and she bit her lip again, making him want to kiss the little spot her teeth worried.
**********
“This is CJ’s press room,” he said as they walked into the empty room.
“She’s gotten really good,” Donna said as she walked around the room and came to stand at the podium.
“Yeah,” he said, sitting down in a chair in the front row.
“It’s almost like watching a different person. The way she handles them so easily. I don’t know; it’s like she knows herself better.”
“She’s different.”
“How?”
“She knows herself better.”
“Do you begrudge her that?”
“No, I just wish I could’ve watched it happen.”
“Josh, have you asked yourself if you’re still in love with her?”
“I don’t need to ask myself that. It’s the one thing I know.”
“Even though she’s changed?”
“The little things haven’t changed. She’s still her. She’s just more confident in herself.”
“Its confidence,” he said, not taking his eyes off her. She looked over at him and blushed when saw him staring at her.
“Josh,” Toby said, walking into the room then.
“Yeah?” Josh said, tearing his eyes from Donna and looking at Toby.
“I want to add the college tax credit to the president’s speech in
Josh stood up. “Yeah, let’s talk to Leo about it.”
“Afternoon staff.” He turned to leave but stopped when he saw Donna standing at the podium. “Hi.”
She smiled softly. “Hi.”
The corners of his mouth twitched. “Do you want to come work for me?”
She smiled bigger and laughed a little at him. “No thanks.”
“Let me know if you change your mind,” he said, looking at Josh and smiling at the confused look his face.
“I will,” she said, walking down the steps and standing next to Josh.
Josh looked at her and then Toby and then back at her. “She works for the Children’s Rights Council,” he said proudly, watching her the whole time. “She’s meeting with Sam on 726 at ten.”
Toby raised his eyebrows and nodded, but she was looking at Josh with a huge smile on her face. “Children with special needs?” he asked, watching the two of them.
She turned then from Josh and looked at him. “Pre-school programs for children with special needs, yes.”
“Do you have money in it for children with autism?”
Her eyes widened. “Yes,” she said, questioningly. “Why?”
He sighed and glanced at Josh before looking back at her. “Two years ago we pushed a bill for children’s diseases and left out autism.”
“Why?”
He shrugged. “Because we did.”
Josh looked at her. “The bill was going to pass, but a senator staged a filibuster and collapsed fifteen hours into it. The vote was cancelled while they took him to the hospital. Turned out he had an autistic grandson; it looked incredibly bad for the president.”
“Ooh,” she said, wincing.
“Yeah,” Toby said, turning around and heading towards the door. “Let’s talk to Leo during afternoon staff.”
“Kay,” Josh said to him.
“It was nice seeing you, Donna.”
“You too Toby,” she said, smiling at him.
He waited till Toby was gone before looking at Donna and nodding towards the door. “Ready to see the Mural room?”
He led her out of the pressroom towards the Mural room, noticing about half way down the hallway that his hand was on her back. He could feel the heat from her skin through her shirt and for a few seconds, he couldn’t breathe. But either she didn’t notice or it didn’t bother her, so he tried to relax and make small talk.
He showed her the Mural Room, the Mess, the Roosevelt Room, the Rose Garden, and the communications bullpen, introducing her to people as they went. “Hey Debbie,” he said as he guided her into the president’s outer office.
“Josh,” she said, not bothering to look up.
“Is he in?”
“No, he’s in the Sit Room.”
“Debbie, this is Donna Moss.”
She looked up then and smiled at Donna. “Nice to meet you, Miss Moss.”
“You too,” Donna said smiling back at her.
“I’m just gonna show her around,” he said, motioning towards the oval office.
“Don’t steal anything off his desk,” she said, looking back down at her own desk.
He shook his head and opened the door, guiding Donna inside. When they walked in, she stopped suddenly and looked around. “This…”
He laughed. “Yeah.”
She stood in awe for a minute and then turned around and smiled at him. “You work here.”
He smiled back at her playfully. “This isn’t my office.”
“But you do important work here.” He shrugged, embarrassed and she turned back around so her back was to him and looked around the room some more. “He’s very good.”
“Yes,” Josh said quietly.
“That’s due in large part to you.”
“She has this way of making you feel like you’re the only person in the world.”
“Making everyone feel that way, or making you feel that way?”
“What?”
“Don’t tell me what she does to people. Tell me what she does to you.”
“She used to make me feel like I could do anything?”
”Used to?”
“Then she left me.”