Chapter 5
CJ and Sam walked into his office at six thirty the next morning laughing at a comment Ritchie’d made to the press the night before, making himself look like an idiot once again. Josh was already at his desk working, had been since 5:15 after giving up on falling asleep.
“Good morning, Joshua. It’s a lovely day,” CJ said cheerfully.
“Its 97 degrees with a heat index of 112,” he responded while making a note in the margin of the college tax credit file.
“Well, except for that,” she said, refusing to be brought down after reading Ritchie’s comment in the morning Post. “Did you read what Ritchie said last night?” she asked, waving her paper in front of him.
He looked up and raised his eyebrows. “No, the paper hadn’t been delivered when I left this morning. What’s it say?”
“What time did you leave this morning?” Sam asked.
“Five. Couldn’t sleep. What’d he say?” he asked CJ again.
She gave him an evil smile and read from the front page. “We’ve got problems in
He cut her off. “Claims to be?”
“Wait, it gets better. ‘But we need someone to be tough on crime, tough on drugs, someone who understands the importance of education and who will focus on our poverty level, someone who understands that those two things are collated and wants to put a stop to them.”
“Wants to put a stop to education and poverty?”
“Yes,” Sam said smiling. “Because they’re collated.”
Josh chuckled. “We’re sure he’s not on our side?”
CJ folded the paper and plopped down in a chair across from Josh’s desk. “Some idiot in the press is going to bring this up. Probably Danny.” She looked up at Josh with wide eyes. “Is that yogurt on your desk?”
He looked down offensively at the yogurt and banana on his desk. “I was going to eat it for breakfast, but I couldn’t force myself to open it.”
Toby walked up to the door then carrying a copy of the Post. “Did you read what Ritchie said last night?”
“Yes,” CJ said, standing up and taking the yogurt and spoon from Josh’s desk. “When Danny asks about it, I should be sure to mention that we don’t want to put an end to education, right?”
“Yes.”
“What about the banana?” Sam asked out of the blue.
Josh looked up at him. “What?”
“The banana. Are you gonna eat that?”
Josh looked at him with raised eyebrows and tossed it to him. “What do you think?”
“I think you hate bananas because you threw one up in college after a night of drinking tequila,” he answered while unpeeling it.
“You’re giving food away?” Toby asked.
Josh leaned back and propped his feet up on his desk. “There’s more in the fridge,” he said, nodding towards the small refrigerator in his outer office.
“Do I need to say anything about the Nobel Prize?” CJ asked as she started eating the yogurt.
Toby opened the fridge. “If someone asks, make a joke of it. ‘Ritchie claims to be a high school graduate. Because there’s actual proof to back it up, we don’t dispute his claim.’ Something like that.” He paused. “Where’d all this food come from?”
Josh looked over at him. “I went grocery shopping last night.”
“And brought the food here?”
“I’m only home three or four hours a day. I don’t need it there rotting.”
Toby rooted around for a minute. “I’m having a turkey sandwich,” he said, putting the turkey breast on top of the fridge.
“Make me one too.”
“Ooh,” Sam said excitedly around a bite of banana. “I’ll have one.”
“Spicy mustard, yogurt, canned vegetables, skim milk. You brought two cans of asparagus to work and put them in the fridge?”
“I didn’t know what to do with them!” Josh exclaimed.
CJ looked over at him and laughed. “What happened at the grocery store?”
He sat up and put his elbows on his desk. “I don’t know. I was talking to someone. Every time she put something in her cart, I put it in my basket. Next thing I knew, I had fifty dollars worth of groceries and my arm hurt.”
“Was it…” Sam asked Josh quietly, raising his eyebrows at the end.
“Shut up, Sam,” Josh said, banging his head on his desk.
“A watermelon?” Toby asked, peeking over the top of the refrigerator door at Josh.
“Ooh,” CJ said excitedly. “Let’s eat that.”
**********
By mid September, he was ready to declare himself certifiably insane. He’d catch himself in a mirror with a huge grin on his face and realize he was thinking of her, only to then torture himself for allowing her to enter his mind.
More than two months had passed since he’d seen her that first time. Since she’d come back into his life and stolen what small part of his heart she hadn’t taken the first time. More than two months and he still knew so little about her. There was no ring on her finger, but he didn’t know for sure she wasn’t married. Or maybe she wasn’t married, but maybe she was seeing someone. And maybe it was serious. He told himself it wasn’t his business and that he didn’t care. In fact, he told himself that over and over and over again until one day, seeing her with another man made him sick and furious and sad and humiliated and scared all at once.
He was at lunch with Sam and she walked into the restaurant wearing a navy business suit that made her legs look stunning. The neckline of the shirt she was wearing was just enough to make him want to see more without showing anything inappropriate, and his first thought was that she looked so different from the way she had in jeans and a t-shirt the last time he’d seen her. She looked… professional.
She didn’t see him and he was aware that he’d become completely oblivious to what Sam was saying to him as he watched the host take her to a table in the front near a window. That’s when he saw Brett Allen, a moderate democrat congressman from
“That guy was hitting on you.”
“No he wasn’t.”
“Donna, I know when a man’s hitting on a woman. He was hitting on you.”
“Nah. He was just hoping I could get him a meeting with you.”
“Well for future reference, men who look at you like that don’t get meetings with me.”
“Josh…”
“What?”
“Nothing, I’m just trying to decide if that was barbaric or sweet.”
“Men aren’t sweet.”
“So it was barbaric?”
“No, it was…”
“Sweet.”
“Chivalrous.”
“Chivalrous?”
“Yes, I’m a prince amongst men.”
“I’m gonna be sick. Thank you, by the way.”
“Are you going to be sick?” Sam asked him quietly.
Josh couldn’t take his eyes off Donna. “Maybe,” he said quietly.
“Do we need to leave?” he asked, noticing Josh’s erratic breathing and pale face.
“She…” he trailed off and Sam stared at him for a few seconds before finally following his gaze until his eyes landed on Donna.
“That’s her?” Josh nodded slowly but didn’t say anything. “She looks good.” He didn’t respond and Sam tried again to get his attention. “Josh, what’s wrong?”
He snapped his head in Sam’s direction. “What? Nothing,” he said, trying to sound casual while sirens started blaring in his head.
“Nothing's wrong?” he asked him, doubtfully.
He looked back towards Donna and Brett Allen, his breathing speeding up. “No.”
“You look like your either going to throw up or hit someone.” Again, he didn’t respond. “Josh…”
“She’s on a fucking date,” he whispered harshly, his mind snapping.
“What?”
“I can’t believe it. She’s on a date with Brett Allen.”
“How do you know?”
“They’re right there!” he said a bit louder, gesturing towards them.
“Calm down.”
“I can’t believe… she… I thought…” he threw his napkin down and started to stand up.
“Josh, you can’t go over there and make a scene,” Sam said sternly, putting his hand on Josh’s arm.
Josh looked at him and ripped his arm out of Sam’s grasp. “I’m not. I’m leaving.”
“I’m leaving.”
“Josh, no one wants you to leave.”
“That’s obviously not the case.”
“You need help Josh. We just want you to get help.”
“I don’t need help. I need everyone to leave me the fuck alone.”
“Josh, last month you yelled at the president in the Oval Office. You freaked out during a Yo Yo Ma concert. You shoved your hand through a window.”
“That was an accident.”
“Bullshit. Yesterday you fired Jason. Today you fired April. You took a swing at Toby. You told Leo to go to hell.”
“Go to hell, Sam.”
“You don’t eat. You don’t sleep, except that you’re sleeping your way through
“That’s none of your fucking business.”
“I’m trying to help you. You need help. Sit down and talk to me, Josh.”
“Josh, sit down and talk to me.”
“I’ve got to get…” he trailed off as Donna looked over and noticed him standing there next to his table. She smiled and nodded at him.
“Josh, sit down,” Sam said quietly.
He didn’t say anything, didn’t smile back at her, didn’t make a move to leave. He found he couldn’t do anything. He was frozen in place with a furious look on his face just watching her as she put her napkin down on her table and got out of the booth.
“Hi,” she said quietly when she got to them. He didn’t say anything to her and her smile disappeared and her eyes widened. She looked down at Sam. “Hello,” she said tentatively, looking back at Josh.
Sam stuck out his hand and she shook it, never taking her eyes off Josh. “Hi. Donna, right?”
“Umm… yes. I used to…” she trailed off. “Josh,” she said quietly. “Are you ok?”
He wanted to scream at her. Wanted to call her a whore, a bitch, a hundred other things he’d hate himself for later. He wanted her to feel as helpless and hurt as he did right then. He was furious, and not with her, but with himself. He’d begun to let himself believe that maybe… and now she’d done exactly what he told himself she’d do and he wasn’t prepared for it and he had no one to blame but himself. He wanted her to feel like that. Instead, he said, “Fine,” curtly and looked over at Brett Allen with dead eyes.
“So Donna,” Sam said again, standing up. “What brings you to DC?”
She looked at Sam but kept one eye on Josh. “I… uh… I work for the Children’s Rights Council here in town.”
“What?” Josh asked, snapping his head back to her.
She looked at him with a worried face. “I work for the Children’s Rights Council.”
“You do?” he asked her, glancing back to Brett Allen who was casually looking at the menu and then back at her.
“Yes.” She looked back to Sam as if looking for answers. “I… I actually have a meeting with you tomorrow.”
Sam tilted his head. “You do?”
She smiled, although it looked forced and out of place, and wrapped her hand around Josh’s arm as she spoke to Sam. In spite of himself, his breathing started slowing down and he felt better. He hated himself for that too. “Yes. We’re working on 726 with Congressmen Allen and Wilson. In fact, we’re meeting now to discuss a few last minute things before tomorrow.”
“You are?” Josh asked in almost a whisper.
She shrugged and tried once again to smile. “Well, we are if Congressman Wilson ever shows up. He’s stuck in a meeting.” Her voice got softer. “Are you sure you’re ok?”
He focused on her eyes then and saw worry and a little fear in them, and he hated himself all over again for putting that look there. He forced a smile. “Yeah. I…” He shook his head and tried to play it off. “I wasn’t feeling well, but it’s passed. I’m fine.”
“Yeah?” she asked him, looking intently in his face.
He nodded. “Yeah.”
She glanced back at her table and saw that Congressman Wilson had arrived. “I guess I better get back,” she said quietly.
“Yeah,” he said, matching her tone.
She looked over at Sam. “I’ll see you tomorrow at ten, Mr. Seaborne.”
“Sam,” he said, smiling at her and shaking her hand again.
She nodded and smiled softly at him before turning back to Josh. “Maybe I’ll see you there,” she said tentatively, almost asking.
He nodded again and tried to speak casually over the pounding of his pulse in his ears. “Come early. I’ll give you a tour.”
Her smile widened and the pounding started to fade. “Really?”
“Sure,” he said, trying to smiling back.
“I’ll bring breakfast,” she said cheerfully, backing away from him.
He nodded and sat heavily in his chair, waiting until she’d turned away to bury his face in his hands.
“Josh…” Sam said quietly.
“I’ll call him when we get back to the office.”