Completed: 10/27/04
Rating: PG
Summary: Emily stays with CJ while Josh and Donna go on vacation.
Author’s Notes: Third in the "Emily's World" Series
For a minute, while she’s looking out the window and waiving, I begin to get scared. What if she’s crying when she turns around? Or pouting that infamous pout she got from her mother? What will I do then? I can’t handle that; I’m not equipped for it.
Then, she actually does turn around and I see a sparkle in her eyes and the dimples she got from her father, and I know everything’s going to be ok. “They’re gone,” she yells triumphantly, throwing her hands in the air like a cheer. Maybe even better than ok.
“One week, just the two of us. Whatever shall we do, Emily Joan?” Emily and I are cohorts. She’s like a miniature me, brilliant and crafty, a little sneaky. Truth be told, we’re pretty much best friends.
“Lot’s and lot’s of fun stuff!” she yells, holding her arms out and twirling around the room.
“Fun stuff, huh? We’re gonna be busy.” I have problems saying no to Emily, so pretty much whatever she wants to do, we’ll do. Truth be told, everyone has problems saying no to Emily. Everyone but Donna, that is. Donna's Super-Mom.
Emily stops twirling and looks very seriously at me. “We are gonna be busy Aunt CJ, I haven’t got to do anything fun for a whole week. I’ve been grounded.”
How can that be? My niece is perfect, isn’t she? “You’re mother grounded you?” I’ll have to have a talk with Donna about this.
She smiles, almost laughs actually. “No, Daddy did. Mommy said she’s sick of being the heavy, whatever that means.”
“You’re father actually punished you? I find that hard to believe.”
“You want to know a secret?”
“Yes,” I say, sitting on the couch. She comes over and sits next to me, crossing her legs like a lady.
She looks around my living room, on the off chance that someone’s listening in, I guess. Then she whispers, “He cried.”
Much like five minutes ago when he had to put on his sunglasses in my livingroom so no one would know how distraught he was over leaving his five year-old daughter for a week. “He did?” I act surprised.
She nods. “Yes, after he left my room.”
“And how do you know? We’re you spying?”
“I do spy sometimes, around Christmas and my birthday, like you taught me. But I wasn’t spying this time. I was going downstairs to put my shoes away and I saw Mommy teasing him in their bedroom. She said he was a big softy and gave him a hug. Then they kissed on the lips. It was icky.”
“So, was it an easy punishment, since it came from your dad?” Emily, of course, is Josh’s weakness. He’s never successfully punished her.
She shakes her head. “Mommy must’ve told him what to say, cause it was hard. I didn’t get to watch any T.V. or go to the park, and I lost all my art supplies and Barbie’s for the whole week. And there was a skating party after school on Thursday and I didn’t get to go to that either.”
“Really?” Damn, what’d she do, kill someone? Give the kid a little slack. That’s it. I’m calling Donna and Josh and we're going to discuss this… this...mistreatment of my niece.
“Yeah, but he snuck me cookies later that night cause he felt bad.” She giggles and holds her hand over her mouth as she says this. To her, Josh is like a big teddy bear. He amuses her.
“So, what could have possibly warranted such a harsh punishment?”
“What?”
Sometimes I forget that she’s only five. “Why did you get grounded?”
“Oh…because although we’ve made great strides in public education, today’s school system has no hopes of keeping up with me intecually.”
She’s looking at me with a very serious expression, but I can’t help laughing when she says that. I mean, it’s true of course, they can’t keep up with her intellectually, but she didn’t come up with that response on her own. “Really?”
She shrugs. “That’s what Grandpa Jed said when he called and I told him about Mommy and Daddy being mean to me. He said it wasn’t my fault that I’m smart and that I shouldn’t be punished for it.” Yet another one of her many admirers.
“Did he try to get your punishment revoked?”
“No, but he tried to get Mommy and Daddy to take my punishment away. But they said no. Well, Mommy said no and she’s the boss.” That’s true.
“So, what did you do to get grounded?”
“Well… see…we were doing a worksheet in school and I finished before everyone else cause I’m the smartest. When I was done, I got bored, so, I went up to Miss Adams’ desk to find something to do.”
It’s possible that she’s developing her father’s ego. “And what did you find?”
“Paperclips. So I made a bracelet and a necklace and put them on.”
“I see. We’re they pretty?”
She smiles. “Yes.”
“But Miss Adams’ didn’t think so?”
She crosses her arms over her chest and huffs. “No, and I had to stand on the wall at recess for five whole minutes, and I missed my turn at kickball. And, she wrote Mommy and Daddy a letter and made me take it to them.”
“She made you deliver it yourself?”
"Can you believe that?”
“That’s horrible. It’s like adding insult to injury.”
“She didn’t hurt me, Aunt CJ.”
“Oh, well, that’s good. You’re not still grounded are you?”
She shakes her head. “No. Mommy said you couldn’t be trusted with punishment so it was over last night at 7:21. We went out for ice cream to celebrate.”
I can’t be trusted? It's not that I can't be trusted. I simply refuse to go along with a punishment that is unwarranted and too harsh. “So, we have a whole week to make up for; where should we start?”
When I ask this, she jumps off the couch and with lightening speed, gets her book bag and brings it back. The book bag is purple with a unicorn on it. “That’s… quite a book bag you’ve got there.”
She looks up and smiles at me. “Thank you. It called me.”
“It called you?”
“Yes. Daddy said the right book bag would call me.”
“And that one called you?”
“Not on the phone or anything.” She unzips it and pulls out a yellow folder with stars on it. “I have a list,” she says triumphantly, holding it high above her head.
Emily, thankfully, has inherited her mother’s organizational skills. “Let’s hear it.”
She clears her throat and holds the list in front of her. Then, in a speaker's voice, she beings. “Number 1. Go to the zoo." Then she brings the paper down by her side and begins talking very fast. "There’s a train at the zoo and the last seat faces backwards, and Mommy and Daddy always let me sit in that seat cause it’s the cool one. And the train goes into a tunnel and it’s dark and scary in there, so if you get scared, you can hold my hand.”
Maybe she gets scared and doesn’t want to ask me to hold her hand. “Do Mommy and Daddy hold your hand in there?”
“No, they’re not scared. They always kiss in there though. They kiss all the time,” she says, rolling her eyes.
I shake my head. “Yeah, I’ve seen them.”
“You don’t kiss on the lips do you?”
Unfortunately no, not recently. “No way, kissing on the lips is gross.”
She nods. “I knew you’d agree. Let's continue." She holds the paper very formally again. “Number 2. Go to the park, twice." Again, she drops the paper down to her side. "I like the swings the best. Are you any good and pushing kids on swings?”
How hard can it be? “I think I can manage it.”
“I like to go really high. I’m not a scaredy-cat.” She says this very seriously.
“I’m sure you’re not.”
“And I don’t like it when people stand at the end of the slide to catch me. I’m big enough to slide on my own.”
“Of course you are.”
“Just so we’re clear.”
“I’ve got it.”
“Ok, good." Again, she holds the paper formally. "Number 3. Visit Uncle Sam at his office and pretend to be Speaker of the House."
“Pretend to be Speaker of the House?”
“Yeah, Daddy lets me stand behind the podium and pretend, if congress isn’t in session.”
“What if they are in session?”
“Then we sit in the back and watch if we can. It’s fun. Have you ever watched them?”
“You think it’s fun?” What kind of child thinks watching congress is fun?
“Yeah, me and Daddy make fun of the republicans. The things they say don’t make any sense at all.” Well, Josh’s child.
“That’s true.”
“Number 4. Get a mana…get my fingertails and toetails painted. I want my fingertails painted pink and my toetails painted green.”
“Green?”
“Yes, green is Daddy’s favorite color. I want to do something special so he knows I missed him while he was gone.”
That’s so sweet. “You like your daddy don’t you?”
She smiles at me. “He’s like a toy.”
I nod. “That’s…a pretty good description of him.”
“Number 5. Go to President Lincoln’s monument.”
“We can do that when we visit Uncle Sam on the Hill.”
“Can we go to McDonald’s first and buy double cheeseburgers?”
“Why?”
“Sometimes Daddy and I buy a whole bunch of double cheeseburgers from McDonalds. Then we give them to the people who live by President Lincoln.”
“The homeless people?”
She nods and frowns. “Daddy says they can’t always afford to eat dinner, so we take them double cheeseburgers and bottles of water.”
“Do you want to do that?”
“If it’s ok?” Now I’m sitting speechless in total awe of both my friend and the amazing child he’s raising.
I finally nod. “It’s ok.”
She smiles at me. “Number 6. Make chocolate chip cookies.”
“We can do that.”
“At Mommy and Daddy’s, I only get two cookies a day.”
“That’s not the rule here. The rule here is six cookies a day.”
She does a little cheer. “Yes! Number 7. Play Scrabble Junior.”
“I don’t have Scrabble Junior.”
She points to her stuff. “I brought it with me. Do you know how to play?”
Is it different from regular scrabble? “I’m not sure.”
She puts her hand over mine, to comfort me I guess. “I’ll show you, but there’s no cheating. Daddy tries to cheat sometimes, but he gets in trouble when he does.”
“Ok, I won’t cheat. I promise.” Which means she’ll probably beat me.
“Number 8. Watch Aunt CJ do her talk show.”
“I already told everyone you’re coming. They can’t wait to see you.” I have a political talk show now and Donna brings Emily by the set about once a month. The last time she was there, the Vice-President was the guest. She told him she didn’t care for the fact that he was cutting after school activities and asked him to please add it back to the budget. She was very polite about the whole thing.
“Can I use the microphone and pretend to be you after you’re done taping?”
Who am I to deny anyone the opportunity to pretend to be me? “Of course you can.”
“Can I interview you?”
“Yes, I’ll even pretend to be a republican if you want me to.”
She smiles and looks back at her list. “Number 9. Buy a new purse.”
“Well, you can never have enough purses.”
“I agree.”
“We should probably buy you a new outfit to go with it.” When Donna left here, she forbid me to buy a single thing for Emily this week. So I’m going to have to buy many things. What? I’m a politician, I’m used to finding the loopholes in things.
She looks up at me and giggles. “That sounds like a good idea.”
“What’s next?”
“Number 9. Play dress-up.”
“I was wondering when you were going to say that. It’s my favorite!”
“Mine too! I want to wear the Very Wang first and we can do make-up and hair. I’ve been practicing on Mommy. I try to practice on Daddy too, but he won’t let me. I don’t know why.”
“I have a new Donna Karin dress and some new jewelry. We should probably put all that on too.”
“What color is the dress?”
“Red.”
“You look pretty in red.”
“Why thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Number 10. Play Barbie’s.”
No one's sure where this Barbie obsession came from. “You like Barbie’s, don’t you?”
“They look like Mommy.”
“They do, a little.”
“Number 11. Finger paint.”
“Is that messy?”
“It is when me and Daddy do it. Mommy says I’m as bad as him. Sometimes I get it in my hair.”
“Well, that what bathtubs are for, right?”
“Once I stained the dining room table.”
“Tell you what. We’ll buy you an easel.”
“Really?”
I shrug. “Sure.”
She throws her arms around my neck. “You’re the coolest aunt in the whole wide world.” See, this is the goal of spoiling the niece. That’s the title all aunts are striving for.
“Well, you’re the coolest niece in the whole wide world. Now, what’s next?”
“Number 13. Go to see the new Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movie.”
“Do we need to get popcorn while we’re there?”
She nods. “And Milkduds. Mommy says a movie isn’t a movie without Milkduds.”
“Mommy’s very smart.”
“That’s what she says too.” Yeah, the Lyman’s don’t lack in self-worth.
“What else?”
“That’s the whole list.”
“It’s a very detailed list,” I tell her, smiling.
“I know, but we don’t have to do everything on it.”
I look at her. “Did your mother tell you to say that?”
She nods. “She said I couldn’t ask you to do all these things because it would be rude, but Daddy said if I show you the list I’m good to go cause you’re a sucker.”
“He did, did he?”
“Yes, do you have suckers?”
“No.”
“Then why did he say that?”
“I don’t know.”
“Can we buy suckers?” she asks with a smile and a tilt of her head.
“Sure.” That’s why he said it. “But if we’re going to get this whole list of things done, we’d better get going. What should we do first?”
“Hmm…let’s see.” She looks over the list. “We’ll have to go see Uncle Sam and President Lincoln and the people who live there after school one day. We’ll go to your show Wednesday night. We should go to the zoo today or tomorrow, cause it'll take the whole day.
“The zoo today, sounds like a plan.” I stand up, pick up her suitcase and start heading upstairs to her room.
“And tonight we can play dress-up?” She jumps off the couch and follows me with her book bag.
“And have pizza and make chocolate chip cookies,” I add.
She catches up to me. “We’re gonna have a lot more fun than Mommy and Daddy this week.”
“You think so?” A week in St. Maarten or a week in DC with Emily... It’s a tough call, I admit.
“Yeah, they’re not leaving the hotel room all week,” she says nonchalantly.
What? “They’re not?”
“Nope, not once.”
Ok, she’s brilliant, but she’s mistaking something here. “How do you know?”
“Last night when Mommy was packing, she showed Daddy something that she bought at Victoria’s store and he told her that if she took it, they wouldn’t be leaving the room the whole time and she looked right at him and put it in her bag anyway.”
Ohhh…Josh and Donna are going to be having non-stop sex this week. That’s an image I didn’t need. Eventually, they’re going to have to be careful of what they say in front of her. “Well, maybe Daddy will change his mind and they’ll do some fun stuff.”
She shrugs. “Maybe, but they’re not gonna play dress-up and they’re not going to the zoo and they didn’t take Scrabble Jr. or Boggle or any coloring books at all. How much fun can they have?”
“I think they’re going to have adult fun.”
She stops walking and looks up at me. “Is my Daddy an adult?”
“Hmmm… I’m not sure.”